How to Deal with Negativity in the Proper Way
The Art of Dissolving
There are times when it is not possible or appropriate to stay away from people who are negative. Sales mangers frequently have to deal with salespeople who are feeling down about not having reached their sales targets. Salespeople sometimes have to handle the complaints of customers and prospects. They may also have disturbing situations in their personal lives with which to cope.
The art of dissolving is a process you can use to clear up negativity in minutes. It can be used to dissolve your own (or others) negative feelings and judgments so that they do not get repeated.
As you learned in Secret Four, negative energy is increased when the following occurs:
1. Something negative happens and people experience negative emotions.
2. Next, they blame themselves or someone else for what happened. This increases the quantity of negative energy.
3. They then find reasons to excuse the behavior that caused the situation. This again increases the quantity of negative energy.
4. By now they are feeling pretty bad, and they look for friends who will sympathize with them. As others agree with them about how awful it is or how irresponsible the other person is, the negative energy is once again increased.
5. Now they try to figure out how to fix the problem or deal with the situation. Trying to figure out how to fix the problem on top of the negative emotions already existing once again increases the amount of negative energy.
6. When no solution is found, the experience frustration, fear, or anger, and blame themselves or others. This increases the amount of negative energy. They then find reasons for not being able to find a solution which once again increases the negative energy. The cycle keeps repeating itself.
Often people think that what the person wants or needs most is advice on how to handle the situation. This is not so. People can often figure out how to handle situations. What they need before they start problem-solving is someone to help them dissolve the negative energy. You help them do this by listening in the following way:
1. You clear your mind of all thoughts about the situation, the person, the jobs you still have to do, etc.
2. You listen to get the person’s experience. You want to get a real sense of what it is like to walk in his/her shoes at this moment.
3. You don’t try to come up with any advice.
4. You reflect back to the person his feelings or thoughts with comments lie, “Sounds like you’re angry,” or “sounds like you’ve been dealing with a lot of problems,” or “I hear your concern about the deal falling through.”
5. When you truly get a sense of how the other person is thinking and feeling (without judging, giving advice or trying to figure it out), the present form of the negative energy dissolves. When this happens, the person may forget what he or she is talking about, start laughing, or simply say, “I suddenly feel so much better.” He or she now has more energy to use in achieving personal goals.
– The Secrets of Super Selling